Dancing In The Sky

Before her twins, and those other two kids she gave birth to in her older years, there were three little boys. My mother had three boys who's names all started with the letter J. Two of those boys have passed on now, along with their father. It always blew my mind as a child that there were siblings I had that I never got to know. In older years, it hurt a little when I thought about them. Today, I find it absolutely devastating (God, what are you, a Scorpio?) that I didn't know them each on a personal level. More like a superficial bump into each other from time to time kind of way.

Joshua supposedly lived near me, and I took to searching for him on my walks through the neighborhood, but never did find out where. I was totally wanting to see him, to say hello, welcome him to the hood. Mom asked me a lot if I had managed to go say hi to him, but I never did find out where he was staying last. And I hate that. I hate when opportunity is so nearby, and yet you cease to grasp it. I'm feeling more Scorpio tonight than normal, and as I write this I realize I have a Scorpio tapping me on the shoulder, sending chills down my arm. 

I've said it once and I'll say it again, some people don't cling to their Earthly life when it's over and done. They dance instead. They rush into the waiting arms of an older brother who has gone on to the Kingdom of Heaven before them. They create a ruckus with their playful, childlike, big dorky selves. And that is just what Joshua did when he passed away on August 2nd. The jokes from the other side are literally non-stop. That's the first thing I noticed about the brother I didn't really know how fucking funny he was/is. His calm, serene, take life (and death) as it comes nature surprises me. I always thought given life's unfair circumstances he might be melancholy, like myself. But that is not the energy I'm picking up at all. This is a big jolly guy, and I love it.

I've been listening to Danny and Lizzo's Dancing In The Sky all day, feeling sad, but appreciative of the time after his death that I get to spend with my brother. The house is dark, quiet, and yet I feel his presence here as if I had invited him over. Maybe I did. Maybe all those years of wishing for something that the Earthly realm never delivered, manifested this special time between us. He's making me laugh through the half assed tears I shed (my contacts will get ruined), as he mocks the song I'm listening to. I hope you're dancing in the sky, I hope you're singing in the Angel's Choir. And he is, or at least he's showing me images of himself doing that. 

I've never felt more secure in the idea that when my time ends here, I'll have a big, loud mouthed, foul mouthed, brother, and family in general, waiting there with open arms, ready to show me how Angel's party. 

Any last words, Josh? 

"Life was fun, but so is death." 

"In the end, the time is short, so live while you're alive. Don't wait until it's too late. Have as much as fun as possible, even if the neighbors complain." - JOSHUA COLLETT